I've always been an artist—always been driven by the urge to create and the wish to share my creations.
But I also struggled finding focus in my art practice and rationalizing creativity in a world filled with so many different needs.
Then I had kids.
Being a parent taught me to put others before myself and the importance of sharing my gifts even if I don’t fully understand them. I committed to making art and stopped fretting about whether it was meaningful enough—focusing instead on my own search for meaning and sharing it.
So much of what I find meaningful in life comes from the reminder that life is short and always changing. The changes I see in my kids every day are my first and best reminder of this.
Even though I’ve been an artist a lot longer than I’ve been a mom, the responsibility and experiences of each have formed me in equal parts.
Being an artist means approaching the world with unceasing curiosity and voracity. It means being honest about the hard parts while still looking for beauty in every part. It means filtering all our questions and their possible answers into something we can look at and offer others.
Being a parent means finding joy in what is—on its face—a very thankless job. It means making an endless string of important, potentially life-changing decisions with very little to go on. It means taking responsibility for everything when you have control over almost nothing.
Being an artist and being a mom are both hard jobs—hard to do and often hard for others to understand when they’re not doing them. Both are frequently undervalued.
And yet. And yet.
Both are so meaningful and so rewarding. Together they add up to a lot of who I am, of how I learn, and how I move through the world in the hopes of offering something useful.
As an artist and a mom, you face your limits every day. And you have to go beyond them (some days you manage better than others).
You face life’s big questions every day. Why does James’s sock still feel crinkly against his foot even though I’ve taken it off and put it back on four times just before leaving for school is high on my list, btw.
You get to be close to people—to share with them and learn from them and offer them something of value.
Sometimes it can be hard to juggle both. Creating art and nurturing the people we’ve created both require time and attention.
Lately, I’ve been scrambling to finish up this painting series inspired by autumn here in Dordogne, and autumn’s almost over. Putting paint to canvas is always a joy, but this plan is not meeting its projected timeline. There are days I wish I had more time to be in the studio.
But where would I take that time from?
Not from the time, I spend on spelling lists or bedtime stories. Not from gathering acorns in the woods or building magnet block houses in the living.
We each only get so much time. I wouldn’t change how I spend mine for the world.
I just need to learn to plan accordingly, hehe.
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